You Don’t Have To Be Amazing, You Just Have To Be Honest

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My wife and I just wasted a perfectly good afternoon waiting for an art installer to show up at our Miami condo. I mean, my wife wasted the afternoon — I took a nap. I woke up two hours later to find Marilyn (our newest art acquisition) still frustratingly earthbound.

As life tragedies go, this was a solid 1 out of 10. But so unnecessary. The guy could have texted. Thirty seconds of effort to reset our expectations.

Instead, my wife sat around in a stew of mild irritation, pointlessly clinging to a reality that was never going to materialize.

We all do this. We say:

I’ll be there an in an hour.

I’m almost done.

I’ll call you back.

And then we’re not there. We’re not done. We don’t call back.

And what we’re really saying, underneath all the noise, is:

I don’t value your time. I’m not even listening to myself.

When someone shows you who they are, we’re told, you should believe them. And you should. But also: when you show yourself who you are, you should believe that too.

I used to be the poster child for overpromising and underdelivering. Always 10 minutes late for meetings. Always exaggerating about how much I made or how much horsepower my car had — even a fake “M3” on my regular 325i BMW convertible. What I had, or what I could do, was never quite good enough.

It’s not a great look. Elon Musk has revolutionized the EV industry, satellite communications, and space travel, and half the planet thinks he’s a buffoon because he can’t stop himself from constantly overpromising. Thanks for taking my place in that poster, Elon.

It took a bankruptcy, a divorce, and years of therapy for me to be able to understand that status comes from inside you, not from the outside. Somewhere along the way I stopped being habitualy late. I stopped exaggerating about my achievements. I started being exactly who I was.

And I began to consistently do what I said I was going to do.

Everyone intends to do what they say they’ll do. But as you progress towards your goals, you hit friction — you get tired, you get distracted, you re-prioritize — and then the whole thing unravels. The key to success is what you do after you realize it might not happen.

And here’s the rule I’ve learned:

There are two ways to do what you say you’re going to do:

1. Do it, or

2. Don’t say it.

When I was a successful salesman at Scientific Atlanta, I recorded a voicemail greeting that said I would return all messages within four hours. A client left a message saying, “How can you promise that? Won’t you look bad if you don’t follow through?”

I called him back in 30 minutes and explained, “It’s easy to meet the expectation, because if I’m getting busy, I change the voicemail message.”

The expectation was always tailored to the reality. I wasn’t a miracle worker. I just made sure my words and my actions weren’t in conflict.

That’s what trust is: the consistency of story and behavior.

My business partner Justin used to give ridiculously inaccurate sales forecasts. When we started Audiobooks.com together, he bought into the philosophy that you should set grand goals. Something about shooting for the stars so you could hit the moon. But what really happens is that your staff and your investors realize your words are meaningless. You expect to fail, and you’re telling everyone failure is ok.

After Justin and I parted ways, I took over the company and started making sales forecasts based on what we were actually going to sell. What I knew we could accomplish. It was magical that first year of hitting our forecasts. Ever since, I’ve only forecasted what I actually think we’re going to do. It’s amazing how much confidence you can build in staff by just meeting expectations.

You know what’s really powerful?

Being on time. Like, actually on time.

No texts that say “5 mins away” when you haven’t left the house. No “running behind” when you just overslept. Just… showing up when you said you would. Or adjusting the time in advance if you can’t.

It’s not hard. It just requires integrity. Doing what you say you’re going to do is one of those invisible forces that separates reliable people from unreliable ones, successful people from scattered ones, leaders from liabilities.

And you don’t have to be perfect — but you do have to notice when your actions and your promises are drifting apart. You can recalibrate. You can text. You can change the voicemail. You can say less and mean more.

The easiest way to meet expectations is to stop setting ones you can’t meet. The hardest way is to keep pretending.

Because the people who do what they say they’re going to do?

They’re not trying to be extraordinary.

They’re just not lying to you or to themselves.

I love telling people about discoveries, people, or tools that enhance my life. Here are a few of my favourites. I receive compensation in cosmic karma points.

1. The Human Being Journal by Mahara Mindfulness (the link gives 15% off).

2. My daily news comes from the Morning Brew newsletter.

3. My therapist and life coach is Jenna Strike. You should be so lucky as to have her in your life.

I write so I can connect with my readers. You can reach me by replying to this email, or by responding to the poll below.

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