Becoming A Success First Meant Losing All My Money

Sanjay Says on 
Youtube | Instagram

I used to think being a success was about making money.

I was born into a family that was rich in love but had little financial wealth. My parents were kind and generous, but were immigrants struggling to survive in a new country. From a young age, I decided that I wanted to get on the path to success, a path that was paved in dollar signs.

So I studied hard and worked hard. I hustled. I got scholarships. I leapt from one Fortune 500 company to another, built multiple businesses, chased every opportunity. By my late 20s, I had what most people would call “the dream.” I had a family, a nice house in San Diego, a BMW in the driveway, a prestigious career and a salary over $200k/yr. I had achieved what I thought being a success was all about — independence, power, money.

And yet, I was deeply insecure. It came out in casual arrogance, in broken friendships, and in an inability to communicate effectively with my wife, my parents, and my co-workers.

Every dollar I earned felt like a shield against my fears. I told myself that I was making my parents proud, building a legacy, proving the world wrong. But the truth is, I was building a fortress to hide inside. I used work as a weapon — against self-doubt, against vulnerability, against the parts of me I didn’t want to face.

At 30, that world fell apart.

The business I had poured myself into imploded. I lost millions and declared corporate and personal bankruptcy. My marriage ended. I was a complete failure. The fortress I had built as proof of my success crumbled, and I was left standing in the rubble, alone.

It was the most painful chapter of my life.

But it was also the most important.

Because in that space — after the noise stopped, after the ego broke, after I had nothing left to prove — I finally had to ask myself: What kind of person do I want to be, really?

That’s when I started rebuilding. But not my finances — at least, not at first. I rebuilt from the inside.

First I admitted that I needed help, eventually being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I got on a medicine that let me function while I got into therapy to dig deeper and find out what was really going on in my psyche. That was the beginning of a twenty year project to forget my early programming and take a different path.

That path led through psychedelics to IFS therapy, the ability to embody my emotions, and the ability to sit still and still… be ok.

That path led to meditation, journaling, and deep meaningful conversations with those closest to me.

I learned how to be present. I became a better father. I learned how to love again , first myself, and then others. I started to show up differently in my relationships, not as the provider or the protector, but as someone who could be real. Vulnerable. Honest.

I stopped lying to myself and to everyone I met. I stopped exaggerating my achievements. I started being on time. I focused my energy on building strong relationships.

And that’s when I became a success.

Not when I made my first million.

Not when I got the McLaren or the Rolex or the followers.

But when I learned how to be there for others.

When I held space for someone else’s pain instead of trying to fix it.

When I admitted I was scared, and let someone hold me anyway.

That was the real initiation.

Being a success, I’ve learned, has nothing to do with how much you control — it’s about how much you’re willing to feel. How deeply you can love. How grounded you stay when life throws punches. It’s not about being strong all the time. It’s about knowing when to let go, when to soften, when to say, “I don’t know,” and mean it.

Today, my life looks different.

I’m successful again , but I’m not chasing anything. I own restaurants and clubs, but they’re not my identity. My identity is my beautiful wife and three incredible kids. My identity is my few close friends and my many amazing colleagues.

My identity is showing up for all of them not with answers, but with presence.

I still love the game of business. But it doesn’t own me anymore. Because I know who I am without it. I’ve met myself in the dark, and I’ve come out the other side.

The old me used to think all this was too soft. That writing something like this would make me look weak. That showing emotion was dangerous. But I’ve lived the other version of success , and I know where it leads.

So if you’re reading this, and you’re in the middle of your own fall ;  if you’re watching something you built crumble, or feeling like you’re losing yourself …  let me say this: You’re not broken. You’re being invited. Initiated. Welcomed into a deeper version of yourself. One that doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone.

The truth is, every person I admire has been through it. The collapse. The identity death. The humbling. And every one of them came out softer and stronger at the same time.

We don’t need more people who conquer.

We need more people who feel.

If this story resonates with you, share it with a person who needs to hear it.

I love telling people about discoveries, people, or tools that enhance my life. Here are some of my favourites. I receive compensation in cosmic karma points, sometimes denominated in dollars.

1. I’ve tried many meditation apps, but The Way is by far the best. It makes meditation a joyful experience that I look forward to, sometimes multiple times a day. If you want help making meditation part of your regular routine, The Way is what you’re looking for. (Link gives 30 free sessions.) Henry Shukman’s voice is so damn soothing, also great for when you’re having trouble going to sleep.
   

2. I’m going to be holding a FREE online zoom live experience answering audience questions about risk-taking on May 22 at 8:30pm Eastern Time. Register here!

I write so I can connect with my readers. You can reach me by replying to this email, or by responding to the poll below.

If you liked this article, please forward it to a friend. If you received this from a friend, subscribe below.